For the Record I didn't start it!
by Tupalicious
Summary: James and Sirius have pulled the best prank in Hogwarts history! But then Lilly and her posse ruin the glory. Caution: A little JamesLilly and some Tasmanian Devil boxers are included!
1. Will it help to ask you out?

For the Record, I didn't start it!

By Tupalicious

**Disclaimer: I only wrote it. Its J.K.R's all of it.**

**A/N:** I don't know if I'll continue this or not. Just a quick little idea that my friend had.

"I can't believe it Sirius! We pulled it off!"

"I know James but do you think the Head Boy in you eill make you want to report yourself?"

"And why would I want to get expelled? I just hope Evans doesn't figure out who did it. They would do anything to get us expelled. Ever since that first day on the train… Well enough said."

"I agree mate, but do you really think they'll believe that Snivillus and Pettigrew did it?"

"I doubt they'll think of it. The evidence against them is overwhelming."

James, I can't see your face right now but I'll bet that you have your evil smile on."

"Righto pal! A little of Snape's stuff here a little of Peter's there, Perfecto!"

"Um James quick question."

"Yes?"

"What are we doing in the closet and can we get out yet?"

Hold on mate lemme blast the last witness and we'll be home free!"

"Last witness… James! A FIRST year!"

It must be done Sirius, for the good of humanity! Or at least you and me!"

"James stop being dramatic! Lemme out"

"Sirius! If you leave this spot I will never speak to you again!"

"Fine by me I'm out! I… Hey! James what're you… OW! Leggo!"

"Sirius I was serious! I need to…OW! Hold it that's my owowow! That was my leg!"

"AAAAAAAAA!"

James Potter and Sirius Black tumbled out of the closet, each still trying to stop the other from pulling his hair.

Laughter filled the room as Remus Lupin, ten odd fellow Gryffindors and, to James' horror Lilly Evans and her group of friends.

"Pull no punches lads!" called Remus Lupin over the roaring laughter.

"Ha ha, very funny!" James replied.

"Oh James are you hurt?" Lilly asked "That was a hard fall!"

James looked up he had waited six long years to hear words of compassion coming from Lilly Evans.

"Well no Lilly," he said "It was only a little way to fall and Sirius cushioned me as I hit the ground."

"Good!" Lilly said and in a flash of purple light James found himself hanging upside down showing off his new Tasmanian Devil boxer shorts to all around him.


	2. Very Funny Evans!

**Chapter two: Very Funny Evans!**

**Disclaimer: **I didn't think of it. J.K Rowling did!

"Evans! Lemme down! C'mon please!"

Hi I'm James Potter the best looking guy in the 6th year and probably the whole school.

Right now though I am dangling upside down looking very unhot and very uncool with my Tasmanian Devil boxers showing. I happen to like the Looney Tunes and My Aunt Mathilde got me a whole set for Christmas. It has Tweety Bird, Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Sylvester and the Tasmanian Devil. I think I'll wear Tweety tomorrow he's my favorite…Okay! That got sidetracked!

Anyway, I was now hanging in the air by my true love: Lilly Evans.

In my opinion the perfect picture of a girl red hair, green eyes and altogether perfect except that somehow she turned down and made me look stupid every time!

"Hey Evans! Is this a bad time to ask you to go out with me?" I yelled

"Hmmm let me think" Evans pondered this for a while "YES!" she yelled and dropped me.

THUD!

Okay only mildly painful…Who am I kidding that HURT! Must resist urge to cry, must resist urge to cry… I limped over to Sirius (Who got me into this! I mean if he had stayed put I would be okay right now instead of limping away from Evans!) and Remus my two best friends.

"You okay James?" Remus asked "Need to go to the hospital wing?"

"Umm" I did a mental once over: No broken bones strained neck from hanging upside down for so long, bruises and cuts from the fall and my tussle with Sirius.

"OW!"I said falling back on them "Give me something for the pain and I'll be alright. My Heart however," Here I struck a dramatic pose "May never be the same if Evans won't go out with me!" I looked over at Evans and her friends who were walking away. Suddenly I had a brilliant idea! Evans never goes any were with out her posse! Get to her friends get to Evans! Well done old bean!

"Um James, why are you patting yourself on the head?" Sirius asked me.

"Because my friends I have a brilliant plan" I said and explained it to them.

All through classes', lunch and dinner that day we studied her friends and each brought a report back to the common room.

"Okay" Remus said "I'll go first" He took out a scroll and began reciting to us: "Margaret Cooper, shorter slightly wavy blonde hair, brown eyes, very cute, nice personality, apparently likes boys, 16." Remus stopped and flipped the scroll over "Bridget Chapman, long wavy red hair, green eyes, looks kind of like Lilly, seems quiet and sensible probably too sensible for her to be of any use, 16." Remus put down his scroll and Sirius went next.

"Elise Cooper, Margaret's little sister, short straight dark red hair, brown eyes very athletic, is in the Gryffandor Quidditch team, can be aggressive and we could possibly be in danger if she realizes what we are up to, 14.

Katherine Banks, long wavy brown hair, green-brown eyes, hates mornings, though apparently likes guys as much as Margaret, seems kind of quiet though we couldn't get much about her so possibly dangerous." Sirius finished

"Who do you recommend?" I asked Sirius and Remus consulted for a while before answering together

"Margaret or Katherine."

So those were my two. I better choose carefully, the wrong choice could ruin everything.


	3. Something suspicous

Chapter three

**Disclaimer: **I didn't think of the characters.

Hello I am Lilly Evans Head girl of Gryffindor house.

I hate Potter! He has been obsessed with me since the first year!

Anyway back to the story.

I was making my merry way down to the library when my friend Bridget ran up to me.

"Lils we have a Code Red!" Bridget gasped

A Code Red is when Potter and his friends come up with another crazy scheme to get me to go out with him, which is never going to happen!

" Let's round up the girls! Meet me in our room!" I said Bridget nodded and ran over to where Margaret and Elise were arguing about something or other.

I went over to where Katherine was playing with the kitten she got for her birthday.

"Kat we have a Code Red." I whispered urgently Katherine looked up only mildly surprised

"Will you let me bite them this time?" she asked me I never have but there's a first time for everything.

"Let's talk in the room okay? Depending on how bad it is and how much we know that is a definante possibility."

"Goody!" Katherine scrambled to her feet, her little kitten clambering onto her shoulder. I don't know how she gets him to do that! My cat won't let me put her up there! Then I saw the look on her face. She looked almost hungry, but very evil anyway, she scares me when she does that!

"Hurry, hurry Lilly!" she said and raced up the stairs muttering "Bite! Bite! Bite!"

See! She scares me! But if I wasent careful she could bite one of the others so I hurried to contain her.

As I reached my dormitory I heard Margaret's distinctive scream and Elise's roaring laughter. Oops! Too late she got someone.

I hurried in and closed the door. I must admit the scene I saw before me was quite comical.

Elise was sitting on Bridget's bed laughing histaricly while Margaret screamed and Bridget tried to pry Katherine off of Margaret's shoulder while the whole time Katherine's kitten was sitting on Bridget's head batting his paws in her eyes and doing all he could to add to the mayhem. His name was, ironicly, Trick.

" Katherine!" I yelled " down girl down!" Katherine gave Margaret's shoulder one last squeeze then unclamped her jaws and made chattering noises to Trick who after a few more bats at Bridget's eyes gave up and jumped to her shoulder.

Katherine then crawled onto the floor where she sat with Trick once again disinterested.

Once I saw that everything was as normal as possible in my strange but great group of friends I asked Bridget to report all she knew.

"Okay so I was studying and I overheard Potter say to Lupin and Sirius 'This is the best plan yet!' so naturally I stopped to listen. And what I heard was crazy!"

I was very interested but I saw so was Katherine but not in what Bridget was saying. Katherine and Trick had gotten into a bite-off and both were biting the other quite hard!

"Kat! Trick! Stop now!" I ordered then smiled at Bridget "continue."

"I couldent hear much more except that as Lupin read off a scroll they looked at Margaret and then me but I pretended to be looking at Margaret and Elise fighting. Then Sirius took a turn and as he was talking they looked at Elise then Katherine. After a while Lupin and Sirius huddled and then said something to Potter. Then, and this is what tipped me off to be the potentially problematic part they looked at Katherine again Potter had the weirdest look on his face."

Hmm… Bridget had come up with less information then we normally had so we had to be extra careful. I had to know what they were planning!

"Okay ladies lets all stay in groups of two at least and don't let Margaret or Katherine be alone in a place they could be."

"Why me?" Margaret asked

"because my Lilly deduction powers have gone through what I know about all of you and the largest similarities between any of us are you and Katherine." I said

Margaret looked at Katherine as if she was going to attack her.

"But she bites and I don't! I don't chatter like and animal to my pets and she does! Name the similarities!" Margaret complained. I sighed and then ticked of the ways they were alike.

"One: You both hate mornings, two: you can both be mysterious though Katherine is more prone to it. And three" here I paused for dramatic effect "You both are crazy about guys!" I finished knowing they could never argue with the last bit.

"Okay" Katherine said "Can I bite them if they try anything?"

"I think that's a very definant possibility Kat." I said "a VERY definant possibility." I could hear Katherine chanting gleefully under her breath while Trick mewed along quietly

"Bite! Bite! Bite! Bite!"


	4. Plan 367 Failed

Chapter four

By Tupalicious

**Disclaimer: **It's J.K.R's not mine.

"Okay Sirius you know what to do."

"Got it down!"

"Remus?"

"James is this necessary I mean I know that you want to go out with Lilly but do you really think blackmail's the key?"

"Mooney this is the best plan yet! And best of all it's foolproof!"

"James you say that every time! It never is!"

"This time I'm sure"

"Whatever."

I was sitting precariously on my broomstick hovering just above the window to the girls dormitory with Sirius and Remus, who was attached to some ropes, the ends of which Sirius and I were holding.

"James this is not a good idea!"

"Ready Remus?" I asked "One, two, three go!" With that Sirius and I pushed him from the broomstick.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he screamed as he freefell for a few feet before the ropes caught him.

"You okay Remus?" I called down to him.

"Yes but its quite unnerving to be dangling a couple hundred feet above the ground!" he answered.

"Well just hang on mate! We'll get you out the moment there's a sign of trouble!" I yelled down. "Just snatch the cat and let's go!"

We had found out through extensive eavesdropping and stalking that the thing that ment most to Katherine, cause obviously we can't hold her for ransom sheesh! How dumb do you think I am! Anyway the thing that means most to her is her cat, Trick I think.

So here we were Sirius and I freezing on top of a broomstick waiting for Remus to climb back out.

Suddenly there was a shout from below.

"Hey what're you doing in here?" then "TRICK!" as Remus jumped out the window holding a struggling ball of black and white fur, which was making Remus' job very hard for him on account of the claws, teeth and his insane trick of putting his paws over your eyes.

"Going up!" I shouted down flying the broomstick away. We set down after a while in the quidditch field where I locked my broom back in the cupboard and then dashed inside, running up the dormitory steps catching my breath and waiting to hear footsteps coming down the girls steps. Sirius and Remus charged past me on their way to the room.

"Good luck Prongs!" Sirius whispered as an eerie animal like shriek echoed up the stairway.

"Sounds like you'll need it!" I swalloed. I hadn't counted on her being so well… put out.

The cry came again only higher and louder. Ouch! I didn't know that human voices could go so high!

I walked down the stairs a look of curious concern on my face, which becomes my handsome features quit nicely if I do say so.

"Something wrong?" I asked a fifth year by the door

"Yeah Katherine Banks has been screaming and we don't know why!" she said "I'm getting out! Rumor has it she bites when she's just a little ticked off! She sounds full blown outragus!" the fifth year scurried up the girls dormitory steps. Oh. She BITES! When did this happen! We never heard anything about biting! And when she's just a little mad! I, James Harold Potter am going to die. And if they find my accomplices they will too.

"POTTER!" Evans's voice came down the hallway followed by another cry, man that's starting to scare me!

"WHERE IS HE!" shrieked Katherine "I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!"

Well James old bean this is not working the way it's supposed to. Let's see my options are: Stay here and play innocent, stay here and fess up giving her the cat back or run for the hills. I'll stay and play innocent!

Just then Katherine shot down the stairway eyes wide and breath snorting. Yikes! Maybe I should run for the hills! No too late! She's seen me!

Bridget and Margaret came racing down and grabbed her while Elise and Lilly came after them.

"Katherine! No! We need him for quidditch!" screamed Elise. But Katherine was beyond reason.

"WHERE IS TRICK?" Katherine screamed straining against her friends grip "Where is he!I want him NOW!"

"Katherine calm down!" I said in what I thought was a soothing voice "What are you talking about?"

Elise, my favorite of Lilly's friends explained

"Trick, Katherine's kitten, was stolen out of our dormitory just now by some boys on a broomstick." I put on a good surprised look

"Someone stole your cat?" I asked Katherine

"Yes" she said slightly calmer "and I would appreciate it if you gave him back."

"Give him back?" I said looking hurt "You think I took him!"

Just then I heard a cry of pain from the boys dormitories and Trick, the nasty little bugger, bounded down the steps sinking his sharp teeth into my ankle.

"OW!" I screamed hopping around trying to dislodge the determined kitten. "Get him off get him off!"

Katherine chattered to Trick who mewed back then stared pointedly at me. Uh oh. This can't bode well!

Katherine charged and clawed at my beautiful face with surprisingly shrp nails and clamed her jaws, which I swear must be made of steel, on my shoulder while Trick launched himself on my head and started chewing on my head whacking me with claws that couldent have been trimmed in a while!

I screamed. It hurt! But eventually Katherine let go and Trick hauled off. Then they all went to the dormitory leaving the formerly beautiful me bleeding on the rug.


	5. I Hate Cats!

Chapter Five: I Hate Cats

I lay there on the floor, eyes closed and rolled into fetal position. I want my mother! That evil girl and her stupid cat! I HATE cats!!!

"Prongs? James?"

Ah, Moony the wimp and Padfoot the cowardly have returned, come to see their leader fallen and bleeding on the ground! I didn't answer and lay motionless, if they get a fright, too bad.

"Is he breathing?"

"Yeah, I think so…"

"What do you mean 'I THINK SO'?!?!?!"

"I mean I think he's breathing and as far as I know he is still alive."

"Oh, why didn't you say so?"

A sigh comes from Moony, I understand his frustration, I really do. Sirius is great most of the time but he can be rather…thick shall we say?

"James, get up before Padfoot wets himself."

I roll onto my back, groaning and clutching my bloody shoulder.

"Moony? Is that you?"

"Stop acting and get up. Let's get ou….damn."

"Moony…Remus! What's 'damn'? What's wrong?"

I sat up and saw what 'damn' was.  
A little black and white kitten sat on the steps to the girl's dormitory, a smirk on his face if cats can smirk. Can they? I'm not sure…Back to the story.

Sirius was backing towards the boy's dormitories, keeping his eyes on the stairway above the cat's head.

"Glad you're alright James, what say we head up to bed?"

An incredulous look came upon my beautiful face.

"Sirius! It's hardly even dark! And I'm not sleepy!"

He nodded his head back towards the girl's steps.

"Oh I think it would be best for out continuing health and safety to do so right away."

I looked where he indicated and felt my heart do little flippy floppy's. Lily, in all of her glory, stood there, glowering at all of us. I didn't even notice that two of her friends held back the vicious one that attacked me. Wait….back up. Two of her friends holding back the evil one! Yipe! Don't let go, don't let go! I love you all!

Lily looked over her shoulder where I was staring and grinned.

"Katherine, you know how you have been asking me and asking me to be allowed to bite them?"

She nodded, her face was even more evil.

"I think now is a good time. Let 'er rip!"

Margaret and Bridget let go of Katherine who flew towards Remus, the cat chose to attack Sirius. I didn't have anyone attacking me. Yay me! Wait, what's Bridget doing? Ohhhh no. Ohh no no no!

"Listen, Bridget right? You know I've always liked you right? Have I mentioned how nice you look today?"

She just smiled at me and pulled out her wand and pointed it at me, shouting the incantation for the infamous Bat Bogey Hex.

I screamed like a little girl and ran for the stairs, Remus and Sirius limping after me, pursued by some particularly vicious bat bogeys.

Alright, so that didn't work.

"Back to the drawing board boys."

"You think!?" Sirius screeched as he threw the evil kitty out the door and slammed it shut.

_**The End! **_

(For now. Plan 368 is still in the process evil grin)


End file.
